no one can (love me back)

i used to write poems to myself
like they were written from you

you were never able to love me,
the way i loved you

so i stopped writing,
to not make your love feel less
than what i deserved

i should've run

locked in with the keys in my pocket

You are a lacking human,
and so am I.
Our brains
were wired differently.

I'd still like to be strong,
just for you. Just for us,
the broken ones.

I could be in pieces
and yet all of them
would be trying to
hold you together.

Let me kiss your tears goodbye,
I'll lock myself inside your mind
and hug you back to sanity again.

Although I know it's not possible,
I'll try 'till my last breath.

Baby, don't worry about me,
I don't mind
(losing my mind)
(for you).

but i'm not out of the woods

this is to the evil need
for an ending
to all the hurt,

this is to all the ways i was thinking
of letting go

this is to the tears,
that drowned me

i made it

this is to the hands that held my head together,
when i couldn't get a hold of myself

this to the friends that stayed
when even i wanted to leave

this is to the ears that listened,
once a week, for an hour,
once a month, for a new prescription

thank you

words

maybe you took them away,
maybe i gave so much that there was nothing left,
not even for myself

i starved my soul,
to feed you greedy neediness
which i mistook for love

i adjusted my light,
so it wouldn't blind you,
maybe i should
(have blinded you)
maybe it would have saved me
(having blinded you)

now i'm learning to see
(myself)

looking for ways to empty myself

i used to be full of words,
couldn't wait to get them out of my head,
they poured out of my fingers,

until i swallowed them whole,
never letting them go,
burning inside,
burning me alive

until i combusted,
and couldn't hear myself anymore
until i ate them all,
leaving no room for
desire

i'm far from healed

but i'm on my way

to save myself

Rip my heart out, 

eat my heart out.

Swallow it whole, 

C'mon, give it a little room

inside your chest, 

next to yours. 

I can't hold it anymore, 

It's not mine anymore.

i slowly breathe in,

the scent of your chest,

silently hoping for another day.

'cos there it was

your unconscious beauty,

lying on a strangers bed,
between my arms.

Who could think of such glory.

A while ago,

in another universe,

tears bursted in the shower.

and in a fever dream,

I started feeling again.

for me,

it has always been you.

What a pity.

sorrows of good times

How could I forget, when we were young and believed ourselves broken
Whilst being whole and glorious,
living simple lives with superficial pain.  
So lost, we thought found.

How could I forget, when we were young and believed ourselves broken,
And to think how now 
that we are broken, 
we want to believe so bad we are okay.